A year or so after I had turned 40, a friend from church asked me to join her at a mom’s beginner hockey clinic. I know now that it was a women’s beginner hockey clinic, but this idea seemed foreign to me at the time – the words hardly made sense. “Hmm, what an interesting question,” I thought, and gave the invitation all of 10 seconds and said, “um, no.” I thought about it another 10 seconds, likely made a funny face, and again said, “no.” I mean, I was over 40, I had never known any women, nor did I have any female friends who ever played hockey, and I’d only been on skates a few times when I was a kid. Sure, I had put skates on a few years ago when we introduced our kids to skating, but I certainly wouldn’t say I knew how to skate, and besides, I didn’t have time for this. Why would I say yes?
Before I continue the story, I’d like to pause here. Why would I say yes? The momentum that brought me to this unlikely and unforeseen moment would certainly lead me to decline the offer. The facts were clear and I already knew there wasn’t hockey in my future. The correct answer was no. But was it? Why was my gut reaction to think, “maybe I shouldn’t say yes?” For me, and I think for many of us, we don’t habitually allow ourselves the freedom to be curious. We think we know, especially as we get older, that the path laid out in front of us is the one we must stay on, and because we can see the path, we find comfort in knowing.
I have been thinking quite a bit about uncertainty's role in our lives. It generally brings about feelings that I would describe as unpleasant, often fearful. Yet is that the role of uncertainty? Instead, uncertainty may play the valuable role of allowing us the opportunity to retrain how our brains respond to the unknown. I am reminded of the phrase, “get comfortable being uncomfortable.” The more we can practice living with uncertainty, the more we allow ourselves the freedom and flexibility to experience life in ways we never imagined. Instead of uncertainty leading to fear-based feelings and behavior, curiosity around the unknown could lead to feeling energized and excited.
As for the assessment that there is comfort in knowing and certainty, I would argue thinking we know our path leads to a false sense of security and a shallow comfort. We can be lulled into an artificial peace of mind that we control our fate. Of course, our actions, behaviors, and choices influence the outcomes we experience, and in that respect, we do have control. However, what I’m talking about is the overconfident attitude that impairs our creativity and flexibility when it comes to the possibilities available to us. What we want is the attitude of being curious to see what’s possible.
Back to my hockey story. It turns out I took a leap, went outside my comfort zone, and embarked on what has become the most amazing ten years of my life and counting. At the time I was invited to play, I had just moved to the cities after living 30 miles west of Minneapolis for 15 years. I didn’t have many friends in the area, and I really hadn’t established much involvement in my community yet. I quickly learned that a large group of women played hockey. In fact, I ended up playing hockey with my next-door neighbor, who is now one of my closest friends. I could never have dreamed how the game of hockey and the women who make up this community would change my life for the better. I never knew my cup could be so full!
The point here is not to recruit you to play hockey (although I’d be super happy to talk to anyone who is interested). Instead, it is to challenge you to consider an attitude of possibility and be curious about your future. What could it look like? For all of us, at all ages, there is still much to discover within ourselves. Often, what we think we “know” feels safe, but it also blinds us from a creative and undiscovered life. What would make you happy if you weren’t afraid of uncertainty? Let your brain run free and imagine the possibilities. Be brave. Be patient. Be curious. Be kind.
The Hatlestad Group is an independent wealth management firm based in Edina, Minnesota, primarily serving successful head-of-household women, late-career executives, and pre-retirees. With a tailored approach to fee-only comprehensive wealth management, they empower clients to live out their next chapter with vision, wisdom, and resources, creating a purposeful and meaningful future. They can be reached by phone at (763) 259-3637, via email at info@thehatlestadgroup.com, or by visiting their website at thehatlestadgroup.com.
The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.